Treasures in the Dark

sermon by Carrie Eikler
October 16
Psalm 139, Isaiah 45:1-9

When Sebastian was only about two months old, I went to our family physician for a routine physical. My whole body was weary: recovering from nine months of pregnancy, a first labor and delivery, lack of sleep. If you’ve ever gone through something like that you know that in that situation, you are acutely aware of your body, and somehow, completely numb to it at the same time. Everything feels rundown, pained, tired…but not at all your own

The physical was going normal until the doctor gently put his hands to my throat. And I noticed it. That thing you don’t want to see your doctors do. The furrowed brow. My stomach made itself known to me again. It flipped and tightened. He said, (and this is me reconstructing the conversation as best as I can, 5 years later) he said, “Ah. Yeah. I want you to get your thyroid checked out. It feels swollen.” Now the furrowed brow was mine. “So I want to get you in for an ultrasound. Now it could be hypo-thyroidism. And of course there is a chance that it could be cancer but thyroid cancer is very treatable…”

And by the time he said cancer, I was gone. Check. Me. Out of here. I thought, should I start writing my bucket list now, or talk to Torin about funeral arrangements? As I tried to shake these thoughts out of my head, my doctor said “Are you OK?”

Am I ok? Am I OK. You tell me I might have cancer, all be it apparently the best type of cancer to get if you’re gonna get it, and you ask me if I’m ok? No, thank you very much, I’m not ok.

Well, as reassuringly as he could be, he gently put his hand on my shoulder, and said, “I don’t think it’s the worst. But we just want to rule it out.” I couldn’t tell if the lump in my throat had grown painful from the recently contrived cancer imposed on it, or from trying to hold back the tears and swallow the fear.

A week later, I found out it wasn’t cancer. It wasn’t even hyper- or hypo-thyroidism. I have multinodule goiters on my thyroid that enflame from time to time.

Strangely, I’m glad I had that experience. And I’m glad I had it because of what came to me in my moment of fear. I didn’t want the ultrasound . I didn’t want to know if it was the worst or if it was nothing because I was terrified that it was the worst.

But then somehow my rational self that seemed to be put on hold enlivened, or maybe it was the wisdom of my mother who has faced and beat cancer…something told me: it is what it is, and the truth will set you free.

If it was cancer, it was cancer whether or not I called it cancer. Somehow, in that moment, that realization was more powerful to me than whatever outcome was ahead of me. And somehow that knowledge--whether it was my rational mind or my mother’s wisdom-- whatever it was…it was of God.

So I get these things checked out annually, a routine process of “ruling out the worst.” Or perhaps, as I’ve tried to think of it, confirming the best-- that being, confirming it is nothing I need to worry about. But once a year as I lay in that darkened room, and they squeeze that goop on my throat—just to make sure it’s nothing—and I still lose a little bit of confidence.

That experience of discovering these goiters was a rather “dark moment,” you might say. We use a lot of that language in Judeo-Christian tradition, don’t we? Dark-light. Lightness permeating the dark. Dispelling the dark. Dark is bad. So you can imagine my surprise when I approached today’s scripture with that general understanding and see something counter to that idea. Isaiah says something that’s challenges our thoughts. And the Israelites were probably pretty surprised by it too.

To begin with God is proclaiming that he has anointed Cyrus--in fact the Hebrew word that is used is the word for “Messiah.” Wait, Jesus is Messiah right? Well here, God is saying Cyrus is chosen, anointed.

Cyrus. He isn’t really one of those guys that come to our minds when we think about characters in the Hebrew Scriptures. He was a conqueror of Babylon, and he sent back the exiles to their homeland. Hooray! Shout the Israelites.

Oh, and he was a pagan—not one of the chosen people. “Ohhh, “groan the Israelites . That is…unexpected.

Cyrus did not know YHWH, though somehow he was part of YHWH’s larger plan for the Israelite people. Now that’s a whole other sermon, and really that’s not what surprised me.

What surprised me was this: “I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches hidden in secret places so you may now that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who call you by your name.”

I find that to be a powerful and beautiful image: treasures of darkness, riches hidden in secret places…in this way you will know it is God, the one who calls you by name. Not, “treasures when the light comes to you,” or “riches in the brightness shining of the glorious day.” It echoes the Psalmists amazement of God being part and within the darkness around him, talking about God working intricately in the minute and unknown and newly forming parts of life. The dark places.

I have to say, this verse sat with me in such a profound way these last few weeks, that much of the time, I had to just let it work its own meaning out for me, knitting itself together in my heart, making itself known to me in the dark. It was something that the writer Sarah Ban Breathnach says “is experienced, not understood.” I struggled to think about how to speak on this thing that I profoundly felt. And then I came across this sermon, written by Charles Spurgeon, a popular English pastor from the mid-19th century.

Now I’m not one to find a lot of relevant joy in the sermons of dead 19th century British men. But something he preached to his congregation struck me. He preached these words on the eve of a solar eclipse in 1848. He said,

“All are expecting to-morrow to witness one of the greatest sights in the universe—the annular eclipse of the sun. It is possible that many of us shall have gone the way of all flesh before such a sight shall again be seen in this country and we are therefore looking for it with some degree of expectation….I shall note this morning, in addressing you, that since the Lord creates darkness and well as light; first of all eclipses of every kind are part of God’s way of governing the world; in the second place, we shall notice that since God creates the darkness as well as the light, we may conclude beyond all doubt that he has a design in the eclipse—in the darkness as well as the light; and then, thirdly, we shall notice that as all things that God has created, whether they be light or whether they be dark, have a sermon for us—no doubt there are some sermons to be found in this.”

How do we see God in the dark moments of our lives--the eclipses of every kind in our life? That’s the spiritual question this scripture has planted in me. As we have been exploring Appreciative Inquiry in Sunday School, and as I have been doing my own work with cultivating gratitude, it has become apparent to me that gratitude is seeking the divine in all things. Not always seeing the divine, but seeking the divine. In all things. The darkness and the light. The messiah within the pagan. All are part of me, says God. That’s how you know I am God.

But this does not mean that we have to fall into theologies that tell us God brings us bad things and there is an ultimate plan in it all. Or to put our arms around a friend who is hurting and say “There, there. I’m sure God has a reason for all of this.”

As your pastor, I will never do that to you, even if you want to hear it…because we sometimes do want to hear that God has a reason for bringing darkness into our lives because at least, God is remembering us. At least, we are part of God’s plan.

But God has promised us more than being part of some scheme. Some “plan.” God has promised to know us intimately, and before you stop me and say “ah! You said two weeks ago that we couldn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus,” because I know I may be sounding contradictory, I’m not talking about us knowing Jesus in a way we know a friend. I’m talking about God knowing us when we can’t even see God, or trust God, or know God. God naming us, claiming us, wrapping us in divine love even in the darkness.

The Israelites were forced to shift their thinking. God was claiming that God used an outsider, a pagan as a divine instrument. That had to be pretty hard to swallow. Why couldn’t God use one of us? At least, use someone we can appreciate and be grateful for? Not this…outsider.

What if we shifted our minds? What if we didn’t see darkness and light as different struggles. Or that we have to move through difficult times in order to be in the good times. What if we recognize that God is in the total eclipse? The passing of the moon and the brightening of the sun. That God is to be found in the lump in the throat, not just present when the diagnoses is good.

[pause]
Somehow, the dark has something for us. A treasure. A moment of touching God. Something richer than we could never seen when we are blinded by the brightness of the sun. It can be a dark experience that comes at you unbidden, or the dark part of your soul that you have wrestled with for a lifetime. In that darkness there is a treasure. In that secret pain you don’t want anyone to know about, there is something rich.

And as the psalmist recognizes, is in the dark places where life, and new life, grows--getting ready to be born. The dark is a fertile place, a womb of new life created, knitted, fashioned, and we can’t escape it, or the God who is in it.

Charles Spurgeon must have preached what was about an hour sermon, by the length of the text. And he concluded with this image, as he spiritually prepared his congregation to face the physical eclipse with a spiritual openness.

“—And let the Christian recollect another sermon. Let him take his child out, and when he takes him outside the door, and he sees the sun begin to grow dark and all things fade away, and a strange colour coming over the landscape, the child will begin to cry and say “Father the sun is going out, he is dying; we shall never have any light again.” And as gradually as the moon creeps over the sun’s broad surface and there remains only a solitary streak of light, the tears run down the child’s eyes as he says, We shall have to live in darkness;” and he would begin to weep for sorrow of heart. You would touch your child on the head, and say, “No, my little child, the sun has not gone out; it is only the moon passing across its face; it will shine bright enough presently.” And your child would soon believe you; and as he saw the light returning, he would feel thankful, and would believe what you had said, that the sun was always the same. Now, you will be like a child to-morrow. When you get into trouble you will be saying, “God has changed.” Then let God’s Word speak to you as unto children, and let it say, “No, God has not changed; with him is no variableness, neither shadow of a turning.”

There are treasures for you in your darkness. Riches hidden in secret and unwanted places. When you find them, you will know God.